eternalflame4

Dear Dad,

When you moved out, you promised that nothing would change with our relationship. You promised that no one would come between you and me, because we were special. Sure you kept up those promises, and made even more. You bought me whatever I wanted at the time, took me out to eat every time I was with you. You seemed still like the same old person.

But suddenly you told me you were moving to Australia. You told me I could come visit. I did visit you but I felt that you had changed so dramatically that you weren't the same dad anymore. Again, you bought me whatever I wanted and showered me with hugs and kisses. Somehow it didn't seem to matter anymore as I was starting to become numb. You kept up the promises but never fulfilled them. Like you hugs and kisses, they were just empty gestures. Sometimes the thought doesn't always count, and actions always do speak louder than words.

If you were here with me today, would you be proud of what I accomplished? Or if/when I did see you again and you were to hug me, would I even feel anything? Do you still love me or even think about me? Right now I feel the same way that I did almost 10 years ago, empty- and you haven't done anything to help that.

I have always, always hated talking about myself. While I was interviewing for my current job I found it was SO difficult to say how wonderful I was, and how awesome of I fit I would be for the company. Needless to say as you can see from above they hired me. I have never been happier and more content with my life than I am right now. My one issue is still being worked on, but I realize it isn’t something that is going to happen overnight.

The basics. My name is Cindy and I’m 24, living in a town about 5 miles outside of Boston. I also work in the same town- working in enrollment and premium billing for a health insurance company. I’m still in college, finishing my Bachelor’s Degree in Healthcare Management at Northeastern University. I have a wonderful boyfriend, Steven that I met through eHarmony. He’s my rock, and an amazing person. Ok, I’m done with the mushy stuff.

I have always enjoyed writing all throughout school, and still do to this day. I’ve always wanted to write a book about my life up until this point- wanting to show that there is in fact a happily ever after. What would the book be about? Well, to sum it up in short when I was 12 my parents got divorced. But it was more than that. My father had left my my mom for a woman he had never met who lived in Australia. I have not spoken to him in 10 years. Living with my mom was an everyday struggle, and she’s still the major issue in my life. We’ve never had a typical mother-daughter relationship, and I believe its because of how her parents raised her. She did not even attend her own mother’s funeral 6 years ago. Ten years ago she shut out her entire family for no reason, and refused to talk about why she did so. Recently within the last few months I have reconnected with my family, and just got back from seeing them this past weekend. A lot of questions about my mom, and my family are still unanswered but some things may never be answered. My book would talk about the struggle of finding your own place in the world, your own identity and the relationships with the people around you. A memoir I suppose you could call it. Would it ever sell any books? Probably not but I want to still write it anyway to show what I can do, and I believe it can help with the healing process.

I revealed a lot about my life in just a few paragraphs but I am so excited to be joining in this competition and I look forward to reading everyone else’s writing!